I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
