Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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