am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
