WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
