You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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