He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
