Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
