Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
