Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
