yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
