Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
