I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
