Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
