this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
