Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
