Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
