how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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