that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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