Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
