new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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