living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
