I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
