glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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