Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
