i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't put those talents on a resume
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
