Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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