Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
