You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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