this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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