my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize