well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
