I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
