i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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