The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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