Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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