Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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