Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're a waste of cheezeits
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
