My first STD was from a foam party
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.