the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.