Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher