Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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