good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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