Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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