her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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