not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
