it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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