I wish I could teleport
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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