I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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