Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
