Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
