Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
