Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
