I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
