it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
