I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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