I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
