Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
