New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
