Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.