You can't special order awesome
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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