sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
