Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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