Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
