fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
