You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
