Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's shark week go big or go home
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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