why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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